14.1.08

Christening (first revision)


I.


Call it ritual send-off,
call it amulet for the soul—

the smearing

cleansing a past of fault

—breaking an innocence
at the outset, in the hope
a smashing god won't try again.



II.

Vessels shatter—
a brow whets,
lonely waves afflict the prow.

A poet is launched—
transparent love
the glass crashed without ceremony.



III.

Ships, which are always spoken of
as women, and for that matter
so is the sea.

3 comments:

Charmi said...

The revision is fabulous! Wow!

Mark said...

Thank you. I thought, this way at least you can treat each part individually, since they don't quite flow together as one (just a thematic link). Is there any kind of formal name for dividing a poem up into numbered sections like this? If not I may have to think up something clever...

Rachel said...

YES, YES, YES...very, very nice revision. I love it.